Impossible
by JonBgirlT
Summary: Why does loving someone feel so Impossible sometimes? Song fiction about Maria and Michael.


Disclaimer: I don't own Roswell, I don't own Impossible, nothing here is mine except for Lance my character.  
  
Author's Note: Impossible as sung by Christina Aguilera is included in this Fanfic. This is a fiction that really doesn't have a place in the Roswell timeline, I just really loved the song and I felt that it related to Maria and Michael a great deal. So I hope it doesn't suck. If you think it does say so, if you think it doesn't say so.  
  
*And Now Our Featured Presentation*  
  
Maria sat in her English class giving her teacher only half her attention. The other half of her mind was on Michael. Not Michael entirely more specifically parts of him, his lips, his eyes, his hands, and back to his lips. Maria sighed to herself as she thought about the events from last night.  
  
Maria was closing up and Michael had just finished cleaning off the grill and was polish off the Men In Blackberry pie.  
  
"Are you finished yet?" Michael asked  
  
"Why are you still here? You not helping me clean, you're just making more of a mess." Maria said eyeing the pie filling on the counter.  
  
"I thought you might want some company on the way home."  
  
"You just don't want to walk," Maria replied.  
  
Maria finished the floors and she threw a rag at Michael. "At least clean up after yourself."  
  
Michael threw the rag back to Maria and waved his hand across the counter. It was completely clean. "There, are you happy now?"  
  
"Ecstatic. Let's go."  
  
Maria and Michael left the Crashdown and got into the Jetta. They drove the entire way without a single word between them. When Maria finally stopped the car Michael reached over and pulling her into his lap. Before Maria could voice her protest his lips were on hers. She barely fought him before yielding to the kiss. It was not long before the need for air became so overwhelming that when Maria finally pulled away they were both gasping.  
  
"Maria, I think I'd better go."  
  
Maria moved back into her seat. "You started this."  
  
"And I'm finishing it. You should go home, we have school in the morning." Michael stepped out of the car.  
  
"School? Like you ever show up." Maria retorted before Michael shut the passenger side door.  
  
"Ms. DeLuca are you fine with your partner?"  
  
Maria focused her eyes on her teacher. "Yes Mr. Ball?"  
  
"I asked you if you were accepting of my choice in your partner?"  
  
"Yeah, your choice was fine. Thank you."  
  
"Then by all means, sit by him."  
  
Maria gathered her things and stood. She had no idea who she was partnering up with so she was just going to look for an empty seat next to a boy. Before she could look over the whole classroom Maria felt someone touch her arm. Startled she turned and saw Lance McDaniel.  
  
"We're partners," he whispered.  
  
Maria sat down "Thanks Lance. So what are we doing? I was kind of in my own world"  
  
"I noticed the far off look in your eyes. At first I was chalking it up to you being blonde, but then I saw that you really were lost, so I had to help."  
  
"If I didn't know you so well, I'd be offended by that blonde remark."  
  
"I'm glad you do know me, because it was a compliment. But back to the point, the assignment that we're doing is a word association exercise. Luckily Mr. Ball gave me the directions otherwise we'd be lost."  
  
Maria laughed. "Could we please get to work? I don't want everybody to know that I wasn't paying attention."  
  
"Alright, I'm going to read words off my list and your going to write your responses. Then when we finish the first list we'll switch."  
  
Lance and Maria went quickly through both lists.  
  
"Now what?" Maria asked.  
  
"We read the responses to each other. You can go first."  
  
Maria read through her list trying to keep a straight face whenever Lance responded to her sentences.  
  
"Now it's your turn, and I get to interrupt you every time you speak."  
  
"Fine, whatever you say Blondie."  
  
Lance went through his list stopping to add his own words before he came to his last one. "Last but not least, with certainly no further ado."  
  
"Just say the damn word."  
  
"The final word is date. My sentence is: Maria DeLuca would you like to go out on a date with me?"  
  
Maria lost her smile. "Are you serious?"  
  
"Don't look so surprised, and yes I'm very serious. You've come a long way from the sixth grade."  
  
"Thanks, I think."  
  
"So what do you say?"  
  
"I can't, I'm sort of involved with someone."  
  
"Is it serious?"  
  
"Kind of, not really, it's complicated."  
  
"Okay so can't we just grab a bite to eat? Just a couple of old friends having an innocent dinner."  
  
"Class, return to your seats please."  
  
"Maria?"  
  
"I'll think about it."  
  
Lance tore a piece of paper and scribbled something down. "Here's my number, when you've finished thinking about it call me."  
  
Maria took the paper and returned to her seat. The dismissal bell rang shortly after that and school was out.  
  
*  
  
"So this is what love feels like." Maria said turning to face Liz.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I've never wanted anyone so much in my life, but at the same time I've never wanted to kill anyone so badly either."  
  
Liz laughed at Maria's response. "Michael is pulling away again?"  
  
"Brakes and full reverse."  
  
"I'm sorry sweetie. Maybe you should try talking to him."  
  
"The only talking Michael likes to do is when we're trying to decide where to make-out. And even then he mostly drags me wherever we go."  
  
Rolling her eyes Liz replied, "Like he really has to drag you."  
  
"My point is I don't know what to do. You know Lance McDaniel asked me out?"  
  
"What? Maria! What did you say?"  
  
"I said that I was semi-involved. He gave me his phone number anyway, and I said that I'd think about it. I don't know, maybe I should just give up once and for all. There can't be a real future for me with Michael, can there?  
  
"Do you really think you could let go, just like that?"  
  
"If I thought I could, we wouldn't be having this conversation."  
  
"I'll say it again. You need to talk to him, explain how you feel."  
  
"Just lay it all out, and then what? Have him tell me that he can't get tied to anything or anyone here on earth? No I'd don't think so."  
  
"How do you know that he doesn't feel the same way?" Liz took Maria's silence as her cue to continue. "You know better than anyone the way Michael loves to keep himself behind a stonewall. If he feels, at all, the same way you do it's probably scaring the hell out of him."  
  
"Pour my heart out on a probably?"  
  
"No, be honest with him or stop complaining to me about it."  
  
"Liz!" Maria said hitting her friend in the shoulder.  
  
"Hey I'm just being honest with you."  
  
*  
  
Michael sat down in his apartment flipping through channels. Nothing was on but Michael kept on flipping. He was now on his third rotation. Frustrated he turned off the television and slammed the remote control onto the coffee table. Michael stood up abruptly and started walking around the apartment. Michael was trying to keep himself busy so he would not think about "her". Maria was plaguing his every thought. He knew that this was the reason he was pulling away from her. Maria made Michael's heart beat faster every time he saw her. At first he thought it was happening because of the way Maria pissed him off some of the time. It was Max who pointed out to Michael what he did not want to admit to himself.  
  
" . . . It's like she's always there bugging me about our so-called relationship. I told her that this was leading nowhere. And she said she was fine with that, no strings, no attachments. I swear if she asks me one more time about how I'm feeling I'm going to throw-up."  
  
"Michael, you are so gone. You do know that, right?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I mean you have done nothing for the past half hour but talk about Maria."  
  
"What? No Max, I'm just-. She gets on my damn nerves." Michael stammered.  
  
"And you're loving every minute of it."  
  
"Maxwell, you don't know what you're talking about."  
  
Shaking his head Max replied, "Not just a river in Egypt."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You can stay in your special world of denial, or you can give us both a break and talk to Maria."  
  
So here Michael was pacing around his apartment forcing himself not to think about Maria, which was only making him think about her more. Michael stopped when he heard a knock at his door. Glad for the distraction, Michael opened it.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Michael asked trying to sound nonchalant.  
  
"Hi to you too, Michael. Can I come in?"  
  
"Yeah, sure." Michael stepped aside to let Liz pass. "So what brings you to my humble abode?"  
  
"I wanted to talk to you about Maria."  
  
"Have a seat," Michael said motioning to the couch before he sat down himself.  
  
"I know that Maria said that she didn't expect anything from, whatever it is you have together, but something's changed. I can see it when I look at her, and I saw it in your eyes when I said Maria's name."  
  
"Liz you-," Michael started.  
  
"No let me finish. Maria is supposed to come talk to you sometime soon. I'm telling you this because I don't want to see my friend hurt." Michael looked like he wanted to speak, but Liz continued. "I don't mean say something that isn't true, just thing before you speak. And if your planning on sticking with that no attachment kick you're on, stop bringing my friend along for the ride. That's all I came here to say." Liz stood up and walked to the door. Looking back at Michael Liz spoke, "Think." With that Liz left a stunned Michael staring after her.  
  
*  
  
Maria walked out of the bathroom surrounded by a cloud of perfumed steam. With a towel in her hand she started drying her hair. Walking over to her vanity Maria heard a tapping from her window. Maria's stomach dropped, she walked over to the window to let Michael in.  
  
"This is a surprise. Did you come over to use the car?"  
  
Michael shifted his weight and stuffed his hands into his pockets. "No I came over so we could talk."  
  
Maria noticed the seriousness in Michael's tone and sat down on her bed.  
  
"You can sit if you want to."  
  
Michael shook his head. "No I'd rather stand."  
  
"Suit yourself. What are we going to talk about?"  
  
"Us."  
  
"Oh." Maria purposely avoided Michael's eyes and looked at her own hands, studying the nail polish that was chipping on her left one. "I thought that we agreed that there wasn't going to be any kind of an us. Friends with benefits, remember?"  
  
"That was before, we both know that something's changed."  
  
Maria looked up at Michael words.  
  
"Maybe it took me a little longer to figure it out, but we're not just friends anymore. I have these feelings and I don't know what to do with them."  
  
Maria's heart jumped. She stood and walked over to Michael.  
  
"What are you saying?"  
  
Michael looked down at Maria, "I love-,".  
  
Before Michael could finish Maria was on her tiptoes kissing him. Michael reacted immediately and pulled her closer to him, and then he suddenly pulled away.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"Maria, we can't do this."  
  
"Why, what's stopping us?"  
  
"In the end I'll end up hurting you, and that's the last thing I want to do. I came here to let you go, I can't give you what you deserve."  
  
"You just about told you loved me. Now you're telling me that I still can't be with you. So either way I lose."  
  
"This is better in the long run, for the both of us."  
  
"So that's it?"  
  
"I'm sorry, that's all I can give you."  
  
Michael turned and left the same way he'd come in, fighting to keep himself from turning around when Maria's soft cries escaped her window.  
  
*One Week Later*  
  
"Maria I hate seeing you like this."  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"Moping around as if someone died."  
  
"I'm not moping."  
  
"So you say. You need to get your mind off Michael."  
  
"How do you propose I do that?"  
  
"Call Lance."  
  
"What? Liz no, that's an extremely bad idea."  
  
"Why? I know you still have the phone number."  
  
"As a matter of fact I don't have the number anymore."  
  
"Oh that's too bad. Wait what is this in my pocket? We'll I'll be it's a piece of paper with a phone number on it."  
  
Maria head snapped in Liz's direction  
  
"Lance stopped me today and asked about you. I told him you lost his number. He had no problem giving it to me."  
  
"I can't believe you did that."  
  
"Believe it. Now call him," Liz said handing Maria the portable phone. "You know you want to. What could it hurt? A little dinner between old friends, isn't that what Lance said?"  
  
"Fine, I'll call him. Are you happy?"  
  
"Immensely."  
  
Maria dialed the number and waited after three rings someone answered the phone.  
  
"Hello, is Lance there?"  
  
"Yeah, who's this?"  
  
"Maria."  
  
"Maria, what an unexpected surprise. I thought you lost my number, then I ran into Liz, and she told me it was true. I was heartbroken until she asked me for my number. And with you calling me today. Wow what a day!"  
  
Maria could not suppress her laughter.  
  
"What's so funny," Liz asked.  
  
Maria gave Liz a looked and moved out of earshot.  
  
"Lance I wanted to know it that invitation for dinner was still open?"  
  
"Of course it is." Lance said in a more serious tone. "How does tonight sound?"  
  
"Tonight?"  
  
"Too short notice?"  
  
"No, tonight is fine. What time?"  
  
"Does seven sound good to you?"  
  
"Yeah seven's perfect."  
  
"Great, I'll see you then."  
  
"See you at seven," Maria said and hung up the phone.  
  
Maria turned around and saw Liz looking at her anxiously. "So are you going to help me get ready? I have a date at seven."  
  
Michael was walking down the street with no real destination in mind. He had done this every night since the night he left Maria. It hurt less when he kept moving, kept busy anything to keep him from thinking about what he gave up. Michael knew he made the right decision. Maria deserved a normal life, free from danger, free from him.  
  
Then he heard it directly in from of him, it was Maria's voice and she was laughing. Michael took a closer look and saw that she was not alone. It looked like she was on a date. Lance from school was walking with her into a restaurant. Not sure why, Michael followed. He walked in and found a booth towards the back in the shadows. He watched as they ordered food and talked. Maria was constantly laughing, and Michael kicked himself for never being about to make her laugh like that. A waitress came over to Michael's table.  
  
"Are you ready to order yet?"  
  
"I need some more time to look over the menu."  
  
"You've been here for twenty minutes. There's not that many choices on that menu."  
  
There was a loud bang directly across from Michael's table. The busboy just knocked over one of the tables. Everyone on the restaurant turned to see what all the commotion was about, including Maria and Lance. Michael tried to look away but it was too late. Maria locked eyes with Michael for a second then turned away.  
  
"It's so hard to find good help these days."  
  
Michael looked up at the waitress, "Yeah, right. I'll just have a bowl of soup and a water."  
  
Rolling her eyes the waitress walked over to help the busboy.  
  
Looking back to the table that Maria and Lance occupied, Michael noticed that Maria was gone.  
  
"What are you doing here?" a whispered voice said. Maria slid into the seat next to him.  
  
"The same thing as everyone else, eating."  
  
"Why are you following me?"  
  
"I'm not following you."  
  
"So you weren't outside walking behind us?"  
  
"I was, but I came here for the food. They have good soup here. Why are you here with that clown?"  
  
"Lance and I are friends. Why are you worried about it anyway?"  
  
Michael fought to keep control of himself, but the jealously was getting to be too much for him. With Maria this close to him it was becoming impossible. Michael slid closer to Maria breathing in her scent.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
Maria was feeling the same thing. Michael being so close to her was making her tingle all over, and she only wanted to be closer. Maria was trying to control her breathing when she felt Michael's lips on hers. The kiss was electric, full of passion, desire, and an incredible need for each other. Then it became softer, tender, and full of . . . love. When Michael pulled away Maria was breathless and she could not feel the rest of her body.  
  
"Maria we have to stop."  
  
It was like a splash of cold water, looking at Michael Maria stood up. "Yeah, I have a date to finish."  
  
Michael cursed himself for what had just happened, but he could not deny how right it felt to touch her.  
  
Michael was so wrapped in his own thoughts that he did not hear the hostess announce that someone was coming on stage to sing. Michael did not even notice the music. The only thing that brought him out of his world was her voice.  
  
It's impossible, it's impossible to love you  
  
If you don't, let me know, what you're feeling  
  
It's impossible, for me to give you whatcha need  
  
If you're always hiding from me  
  
I don't know what hurts you, I just, I wanna make it right  
  
Boy I am sick and tired of trying to read your mind  
  
It's impossible, oh baby it's impossible for me to love you this way  
  
It's impossible, oh baby it's impossible, if you're making it this way  
  
Impossible to make it easy  
  
If you're always trying to make it so damn HARD!!!!!!!!  
  
How can I, how can I, give you all my love, baby  
  
If you're always, always, putting up your own guard  
  
This is not a circus, don't ya play me for a clown  
  
how can your emotions keep going up and down  
  
It's impossible, oh baby it's impossible, for me to love you this way  
  
It's impossible, oh baby it's impossible if you keep treating me this way, over  
  
and over  
  
Impossible, impossible baby, oh it you're making it this way, this way Impossible, Oh baby it's impossible if you're making it this way  
  
When the song was over Michael was on his feet, but Maria was already out the door. Michael jogged until her caught up with her.  
  
"Where's Lance?" Michael asked Maria's back.  
  
"Probably still inside. I never went back to our table."  
  
"Maria, look at me."  
  
"I can't, not right now."  
  
Michael would not take no for and answer. He walked over to Maria until he was facing her. Michael could see the tears on Maria's face glistening in the moonlight.  
  
"What was that back there?"  
  
"You know through all of this I never got to tell you how I felt. You were the one to end "us" before there was even an "us". That back there, was my turn. You know how I feel, and I'm pretty sure I know how you feel. I'm going home now. The ball is in your court and when you feel like not lying to yourself anymore, you can come see me. You were right about one thing. I deserved to be loved, and if you really think you can't give that to me then this for the best. Goodbye Michael."  
  
Maria walked away wiping the tears off her face.  
  
"Maria, wait."  
  
Maria stopped but did not turn around.  
  
"What the hell! We can give this relationship thing a try, but don't expect me to be good at it."  
  
Maria turned around and looked at Michael, "It sounds like you don't really want this."  
  
Walking closer Michael whispered his reply.  
  
"What does this tell you?"  
  
Michael cupped Maria's face in his hands and gently kissed her. Maria pulled away.  
  
"You're going to have to do more than that to make up with me."  
  
Taking Maria's hand they started walking.  
  
"Don't worry I plan to." 


End file.
